Family

What is a family? Something you are born into? Something you create? A burden to bear? A source of joy?

Is it different for everyone? Can one choose what it is or do you just discover what yours is as you go? Why do people choose to have a family?

What if you don't choose and one happens anyway? Then what? Run? Hide? Bear the responsibility as best one can?

Does one mistake have to destroy the rest of ones life? Or does it take two mistakes?

And what about the bastard that make those two mistakes? Is he forever doomed to a life of hell?

After a certain point, the "what if" of the past is no longer worth pursuing and yet, the pain has not left yet. The debilitating pain that leaves one crumpled in the corner.

Why does it always end in tears. Not a man. Not a soldier. Just a wussy boy crying in the dark. Embarrassed of himself and the worthless fat slob he has become.

Nothing to look back in pride at. Nothing to look forward to being proud of.

Just more pain. and more pills. and more embarrassment.

Faking through one day after another. Making people laugh to stop the tears from flowing.

Always aware that he is just one step away from disappointing someone again. Its just a matter of time.

It is always just a matter of time.