A twenty-five year sentence. Fifteen years in. Only ten to go. The hardest ten. I thought it might get easier. Just accept and let the time flow. But instead it feels like I am in solitary and it just gets worse and worse.
I can’t do it all. I can’t do all the responsibilities by myself. I never could. I wasn't ready. I'm still not ready.
My rock is crumbling. When I couldn’t handle it, she was there. She said we would make it.
My rock is crumbling and there is nothing I can do about it. Now it feels like solitary.
Without a rock to lean on.
So I try ativan. Sorta works. Sometimes doesn’t. Not even when I up the dose. It’s not the same as my rock, that’s for sure.
I’m just getting older.
By the time the sentence is up, what is there left?
Where are the answers? I have looked and looked and looked for answers for fifteen years. Where are the goddamn answers?
aaaahhhh.It is finaly kicking in. About damn time. 6 mg this time. More than usual.
But at least it worked.
1 comment:
I'm sorry to hear that your rock is crumbling. It must be devestating to have someone you've looked to for support for so many years, start to give way underneath you.
Maybe you haven't found the answers because you aren't asking the right questions.
Maximum recommended dosage is 10 mg per day so be careful.
Wish there was something I could do.
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