Life change

My life mate wants to leave me for an internet lover and move half way around the world to be with him, taking one of our two children with her.

We have been together, though I admit not happy all the time, for 15 plus years.

I can’t sleep. My health is in the pisser. I am an emotional wreck.

For 15 years we have stuck it out through thick and thin. Through a lot of shit.

I always thought that we would somehow work it out. It would turn into what we both wanted if we tried hard enough, long enough.

I was wrong. Maybe I was silly. Or stupid.

All I know is that it is over now. All that time, all that effort, all that sweat and tears led to this. Failure.

I guess it was over years ago and I just didn’t know it.

I will admit that I have been miserable for many of the years we have been together. And so has she. I couldn’t give her what she wanted. I was inadequate. I was a fool.

I still don’t know how to emotionally deal with this. Because even though it is “over”, it isn’t.

We have tons of details to work out. If she stays until the plans are all ironed out, she will be with me in my house for months, or a year. Always there, causing pain just by being there.

But if she leaves immediately and goes to her parents until the big move, I lose my son that much sooner.

Do I get an attorney and fight in court for custody rights for both kids? I don’t have the money for the attorney and I am unsure of my abilities to single Dad two kids. Especially when I want them to continue to be home schooled. I have to keep working. I don’t know how to keep income coming in, raise and educate both kids by myself.

Life is hard. It just got harder.

How do I move on with my life? How do I get through this?

I don’t know what to do.