More Objectivist Humor!

Why don't Objectivists wear pocket protectors? So that people won't mistake them for accountants.

How many Objectivists does it take to change a light bulb? You second-hand, evading social metaphysician, Ayn Rand has already changed it. The world just hasn't noticed yet.

What's two plus two? Whatever Ayn Rand said it was.

What's two plus two? Ayn Rand said it was "four," but she never followed up on her own groundbreaking insight. Now, thanks to the work of David Kelley, we're finally able to verify her result independently and give it the attention it deserves.

Why was Ayn Rand so paranoid? Because of her psycho epistemology.

Why did the non-Objectivist chicken cross the road? To mooch off the productive achievements of the Objectivist chickens who had already shown the way to the other side. (Fortunately, since A is A, a tunnel collapsed on it and it died as it deserved.)

Even more humor

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More Humor

Ayn Rand’s A Selfish Christmas

In this hour-long radio drama, Santa struggles with the increasing demands of providing gifts for millions of spoiled, ungrateful brats across the world, until a single elf, in the engineering department of his workshop, convinces Santa to go on strike. The special ends with the entropic collapse of the civilization of takers and the spectacle of children trudging across the bitterly cold, dark tundra to offer Santa cash for his services, acknowledging at last that his genius makes the gifts — and therefore Christmas — possible. Prior to broadcast, Mutual Broadcast System executives raised objections to the radio play, noting that 56 minutes of the hour-long broadcast went to a philosophical manifesto by the elf and of the four remaining minutes, three went to a love scene between Santa and the cold, practical Mrs. Claus that was rendered into radio through the use of grunts and the shattering of several dozen whiskey tumblers. In later letters, Rand sneeringly described these executives as “anti-life.”

Some humor to get through the day!

The 25 Most Inappropriate Things An Objectivist Can Say During Sex

by Jason Roth

1. "Before we continue, there's something I have to ask you. Will you still accept the axiom that existence exists tomorrow?"

2. "I appreciate the thought, but I consider it an act of self sacrifice for you to swallow."

3. "I believe in the complete separation of the left leg from the right."

4. "Now that's what I call standing up for what you believe in."

5. "Emotions are the mind's near-instantaneous evaluation of a perceived fact or idea as either good or bad for the individual. Hence, my wet panties."

6. "You sure smell better down here than the collectivists I've slept with."

7. "To say 'Fuck me harder' one must first know how to say the 'me'."

8. "No, I don't always object to you sticking your finger there. But that's a borderline case."

9. "So dear, shall it be the steel magnate position tonight, or the A is A? Oh, damn, we're all out of Cool Whip. So much for the A is A."

10. "I haven't had this much fun since I rejected the concept of God."

11. "There's no such thing as a collective orgasm. But let's try our best."

12. "Would you like me to concretize that for you?"

13. "Contradictions do not exist. You can't insert it there and there at the same time. Wait a second. Open up the top drawer of my nightstand."

14. "Good for you, you finally found my G-spot. Score one for goal-directed action."

15. "No, you're not my first. But you are the first man whose penis has made me understand the role of measurement omission in the act of concept formation."

16. "Don't you have any Tchaikovsky? Rachmaninoff is fine for 69s, but nothing beats Tchaikovsky when it comes to anal."

17. "What do you mean, it's 'possible' that you had an orgasm? Are you saying that you have some evidence that you had an orgasm, but not sufficient evidence?"

18. "No, I don't need Viagra. It's this damn non-objective pornography."

19. "You feel warm and fuzzy? Check your premises."

20. "It's time for me to teach you the difference between Platonic love and Aristotelian love."

21. "You selfish bitch! You greedy, selfish bitch! What? You don't like my pillow talk?"

22. "It doesn't really matter whether I come or not. I believe that man's tongue is an end in itself."

23. "Don't construe my liking that as an instance of the sanction of the victim. Now excuse me while I wipe off my face."

24. "There's nothing like grasping the objectivity of values. And what values they are."

25. "John? Who is John?"

Dilbert

Or maybe I should have named this post my obvious post.

I am a huge Dilbert fan. His comics are consistently funny and amazingly accurate about life at work. The pointy headed boss is my favorite.

Where I work the passwords on all the computers are the same. Thats right, the same. Once you know the password you can get on any computer including the owners. So why have a password? Work here long enough and you learn not to ask why.

So then Scott Adams has this great cartoon. He just nails it! All I had to do is change the "123" on the copy taped to my monitor to the password at work and viola!

Our local paper (even though it is a Pulitzer prize winning paper) isn't worth the paper its printed on. It is delivered to where I work every morning though. So I just pick it up, read the new Dilbert, and go on with my day smiling.

Thank you Scott Adams! Keep up the good work!